Failure to Communicate by Gerri Leen [sci-fi]

Failure to Communicate by Gerri Leen

From: Cassius Larkins, Director, Policy Enforcement Department, Confederated Worlds Command

To: Directors, Spaceport Command

CC: Policy Enforcement Officers, Spaceport Command

Subject: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

It has come to the attention of this department that a number of CWC Spaceport personnel are utilizing official channels and equipment for non-official (aka “personal”) business. CWC operating costs in the communications area have risen disproportionately to other business realms, and investigation has revealed the personal use of real-time comms has been primarily to blame.

In the past, CWC has been somewhat lenient in the termination (and even prosecution) of offenders. In the face of rising costs, we can no longer afford to be. Please ensure all personnel in your jurisdiction have read and understood the CWC Official Communications Policy.

We know and appreciate how hard the majority of your officers are working and realize that these are not the offenders. As we work to root out those abusing CWC comms, please convey our thanks to all those who are following CWC policy and ensuring CWC ideals are upheld. As our founder noted in her confederation day speech a century ago: Without unity, there can be no opportunity.

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Forward: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

I know you have a tendency to skip over communiqués from my department—or possibly any department (I don’t want to assume you are singling out Policy Enforcement when you may just make it a rule to stay as uninformed as possible). I must reiterate the seriousness of this issue; I will be doing my utmost to support the director in whatever way I can. You and I have had our difficulties in the past—and will no doubt continue to disagree in the future—but I cannot state firmly enough how important it is for us to project a united front on this one, sir. It was indeed appropriate for Director Larkins to quote the founder: Without unity, there can be no opportunity.

 From: Cassius Larkins, Director, Policy Enforcement Department, Confederated Worlds Command

 To: Directors, Spaceport Command

 CC: Policy Enforcement Officers, Spaceport Command

 Subject: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

 [Original message removed in accordance with Policy 421-53z]

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Forward: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

This is a freakin’ joke, right? Command can’t get off its ass to send us fuel and other materiel, to upgrade our nav systems so we don’t have fifteen near misses a day, or to even consider raises for outer worlds’ personnel, but they want us to limit our use of their precious comms? Tell your director that in the case of this spaceport, the “personal” use of the comms is my staff trying to round up the supplies we need through any means possible. I’m sure there’s a reg against that, too. I’m also sure you’ll find it and forward it to me. I can hardly contain my anticipation. Oh and the founder’s soundbyte has grown tired. Here’s another pithy saying that’s been making the rounds of the outer worlds: Up yours.

– Ito

***

From: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Forward: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

What the hell, man? You guys downloading porn again? Bet Lowell couldn’t wait to shove this memo up your ass.

You nailed her yet, Ito?

Love and kisses from the central worlds.

– Guy

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Forward: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

Unlike you central worlds wusses, we actually have a job to do. Porn, my ass. And yes, said area is sore from Lowell’s bureaucratic probing. Woman is a menace—and I’d rather nail a spitting cobra than her.

Why? Did you nail her when you were stationed together?

Flipping the bird from the outer worlds.

– That’s Ito SAN to you!

***

From: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Forward: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

Ito SAN (that’s Japanese for dip shit, right, rather than just dip?).

And yes, I might have nailed her back in the day. So sue me, I was young and horny and she actually stops quoting regs in the throes of orgasm—hers or yours. Good to know, eh?

Seriously, my friend, what’s up out there? We keep hearing word of shortages.

– Guy

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Forward: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

It’s bad, Guy. People’s nerves are frayed, morale is in the dumps, and the Safety First concept went out the window about five months ago when the regular shipments from Command stopped. You were on Athenium. You know what it’s like out here when Command decides to ignore us. Until, that is, we start upping their damn costs.

You got any fuel or nav system software upgrades you want to barter? I’ve got seriously good whiskey being distilled on the far side of the planet. Won the gold medal in last years all confed contest.

Or I could just send you Lowell. Please advise.

And that’s honorable dip shit to you!

***

From: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Forward: Non-Official Use of CWC Communications Equipment and Channels

Let me see what I can do. Can you send me a list of what you need most and what else besides first class hooch and the esteemed Ms. Lowell you have to trade? I may know some people who know some people who… You get the idea.

– Guy

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

Subject: Wish List

I am in your debt. Again.

What we need:

NavTech Service Patch 10.56 and 11.0

NavTech console receivers (as many as you can get—they keep going out on us—but at least five)

Corono 4.0 Disaster Recovery Software upgrade edition

Syntholeum (a tanker full at least—our support vehicles are all dead in the water)

Fire extinguishing foam (15 barrels)

Disaster med kits (at least fifty)

You find me those and I can fudge the rest for now. I also have some decent rum and gin, but nothing compared to our whiskey. How do you want Lowell shipped?

– PI

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Seriously?

It has come to my attention that you have been using an inordinate amount of comm time lately with Director Sanchez. I am acquainted with the man and suspect that little to none of this comm time is for official business. Examples start at the top, sir. Both in setting them and being made one.

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Seriously?

Since “up yours” didn’t work, will “kiss my ass” be more clear?

Oh and Sanchez says hi. Actually he said some other things, but I’d be embarrassed to repeat them to a lady—or to you.

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Seriously?

Sanchez is a thimble-dicked asshole who wishes he nailed me. And yes, I am reading your comms.

Why didn’t you tell me we were low on all this stuff? I have channels, too, you know. What else do we need?

– Cam

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Wish List

Okay, Ms. “I’ve got Channels, too,” how about finding me these:

SG-21 Water Purifying Systems—14 or as many as you can get if you can’t get that many (has it escaped your notice how craptastic our water is? Because it certainly hasn’t escaped mine.)

And you go by Cam?

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Wish List

Done. Way to dream low.

Yes, I go by Cam. Alert the freakin’ media, Ito.

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Wish List

Done?

**Thud**

Okay, how about these.

Brevitan semi-automatic laser pistols (3 cases with back-up laser packs)

Cam. Hmmm. I sort of like it.

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Asshole

Are you trying to get me arrested? Regulation 41-15A subsection 6 clearly states that arms will only be procured by the weapons master or head of security. Nice try.

Your water systems, however, will be here in three days. Thank me over dinner. An expensive one.

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Dinner?

Why would I want to have dinner with you?

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Dinner?

Because it’s me or a spitting cobra, if I read your comms correctly.

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

Subject: Liar

You never nailed her ass.

How are you coming on those supplies? I may have another source if this is out of your league.

– PI

***

From: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez , Director, New Seville Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Liar??

What the hell, man? You doubt my word about getting nasty with a gal? Since when?

And I can get everything but the Corono 4.0 Disaster Recovery Software upgrade edition. Guess there was a run on them after the last upgrade crashed half of Command’s systems.

– Guy

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Corono

If, say, we did go to dinner, where would you want to go?

These are impossible to get (although you probably know that since you are reading my damned comms), but how are your sources at acquiring the Corono 4.0 Disaster Recovery Software upgrade edition?

– Ito

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Corono

I believe Carmichaels was recently awarded four diamonds. And it’s sure to be very, very pricey. I’d like to go there.

Did you want the Corono 4.0 or the 4.3?

– Cam

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Corono

4.3 isn’t out yet.

– Patrick

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Corono

So does that mean you don’t want the latest, greatest version?

– C

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Carmichaels at Eight

Dress sleazy. Oh wait, that’s not much of a stretch, is it?

And yes, fine, get me the 4.3 (and a 4.0—just in case the 4.3 doesn’t like our system).

– PI

***

From: Camilla Lowell, Policy Enforcement Officer, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Carmichaels at Eight

You’re a cautious man, I see, when software’s on the line. I kind of like that.

As for the sleazy…you wish.

– C

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

Subject: Seriously

Did you really sleep with her?

– PI

***

From: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

To: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

Subject: Re: Seriously

My friend, that woman defines “hard to get.” When you look “unavailable” up in the dictionary, it says “see Camille Lowell.” Why?

– Guy

***

From: Patrick Ito, Director, Ilia Larenshko Spaceport

To: Guillermo Saltero Sanchez, Director, New Seville Spaceport

Subject: Re: Re: Seriously

No reason.

– PI

 

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